Without a runway

I too, feel uneasy.
As though without a home to retreat to.
Lost within the fog which covers not only my path but blurs my vision and chills my bones.
I am without a part to play in my own life.
Growing, evolving and passing each day without a role for me to fulfill.

It is not because of my family, or friends or girlfriend: but myself.
I am the only one to blame for these feelings of emptiness.
As though I am completely free of people that need me.
Like a charm that's served it's purpose and no longer needed.
Is that what ties me down to earth?
To have to feel the need of others to have a reason to stay?
These thoughts have circled my head, never failing to confuse and bewilder.
Yet whenever I turn to the thought of being 20 stories above the ground, staring at the moon casting it's bright shadow upon the Straits of Malacca.
Every year, every year I have tried to fly back.
With the same feelings before I board the plane.
As though looking for someplace quieter.
Looking for Eden.

Why do I feel such a need to go back.
Like something awaits me.
Something I need to fulfill almost.
Like a bottle left open on a kitchen bench, aching to be closed.
What pulls me towards such a place.
I have a family here.
I have friends here.
A loved one.
A life.
Yet like a stringed puppet, my head is turned towards a different direction.
My heart too.
My whole body following right behind it, damn this spine of mine.
Master puppeteer, I beg of you.
Free me of these godforsaken thoughts.
Let me be.

Allow me to return to bed, leaving these answerless thoughts behind.
Leave me be, leave me to smile upon thoughts of my lover.
Turn on those lights, and let me rest my fatigued wings.
Before the fuel runs dry, and the co-pilot cries.
Save me from these thoughts.
My knight in shining armor.

Fuck traffic lights

Throw it all at me, and I will still come out of the burning fires of hell with your head slung over my shoulders. Each and every time.

I'm slowly working up more and more speed, gaining momentum.
This time, much faster than before.
I'm stopping for nothing and no-one.
I'm going to break through every wall and road block put up in my life because theres nothing that stands in my way that will bring me down again.
I've had enough of sulking around feeling lost and lonely.
I'm here and I don't give a pig's arse whether you care or not.
I will pummel you if you stand in my way and destroy your life if you try with mine.
This is a warning to all my foes, all my enemies.
Be scared.
I'm here, and you're not stopping me.

"I'm so proud of you" - TB