Dreams 3/5

Ritchie and I recieved a radio message from base telling us that we had to get back before transport became scarce as they had to redirect most of the choppers towards sending more troops over to Thailand and Singapore.
Another hour passed before the sound of the RAAF Chinook thundered through the valley in which the cave was nestled in.


This is where I woke up to take a piss and have a smoke before falling back to sleep.
I was really confused the next morning as to how I had a ten minute gap before dreaming again and I was still able to continue my dream..
I assume we decided not to go back home as all of this army training and fighting was just to find out family. So they helped Ritchie and I unload the huge amountf of ammo and outdoor gear.
I guess what happened was we requested ammunition as well as a few essentials such as a light water craft as well as more ciggarettes and flint.
We had everything we needed and more.
Seemed like Ritchie and I were going to turn the uninhabited island into a concealed mine field of mortars, sniper ranges and mounted support weaponds...
I guess we were staying for good...

TBC

Dreams 2

They brought us back to where we last saw any sign of life.
The abandoned cave.
The whole nine kilometer walk back, Victoria or Ling Ling was complaining about the walk as she always would.
Tracy was running ahead looking for coconut trees with Janice while Junior walked beside me playing with my unloaded glock.
Ritchie and I couldn't figure out why they wouldn't want to be brought out from this place.
We couldn't comprehend why they wouldn't want us to look for them...
We got back to the cave where Ritchie and I set our packs down and made a fire while Uncle Jeff watched carefully almost like a school child. Ritchie and I shared our ration packs around, to our surprised they had food. But not much of it.
Mostly cans of sardines and baked beans.
Grandma told us about the creek flowing into a large shallow pond where a huge amount of perch could be seen.
So I let my inner kid take over and i made a spear out of a thin branch i found and went spear fishing.
Victoria decided to come along with me taking off her shoes telling me the lake was just as sandy and beautiful as the beach.
As we reached the lake, I saw thousands of fish rush towards the other side of the meter deep lake.
I immediately ran ahead of victoria and after ten minutes I caught three foot long perch worthy of a filling dinner.
But as I sat down on the sand to dry the shorts I was wearing, Victoria started talking about how we used to have so much fun as kids trying to catch the fish in grandma's pond.
How we used to watch the fireworks from the balcony of my room...
How we used to have shaving cream, baby powder and lotion fights.
But all through the conversation on the sandy banks and back to the cave I could only think of why they wouldn't want us to find them.
The only thing that I could think of was that they didn't want us anymore.
As if they ran away from us.
And now that weve found them, we were just going to simply take a chopper back to Singapore and join the front line again?
Dinner was great, lots of laughs and smiles almost as if the war never existed.
As everyone went to sleep, the women and girls in the house while the boys in sleeping bags under the huge sandstone ceiling, I decided to go for a walk.
Back to the crystal clear lake where Victoria and I talked about our childhood memories.
The moon was huge, bright enough to light my way down the creek to the warmth of the sandy banks.
Sitting there, smoking one of the millions of cigarettes Uncle Jeffrey brought over.
I thought about how I ended up being in the army, how Ritchie came with me and why we joined. I thought about what we were going to do, what life was going to be like when we went back home...
Rachelle's footsteps weren't heard untill she was only a few meters beside me.
She quietly sat down and shared the same view of the moon as I.
As the crickets grew louder and the trickling of the creek melted into a song, Rachelle ask why we left Malaysia in the first place, why we didn't go back for a holiday after two years ago.
She knew we wanted to. But she also knew we couldn't, because of the war.
"Did you us?" she continued.
"Course we did, thats why Ritchie and I joined the army." So we could make sure you guys were safe." I replied in an almost dissapointed tone.
"Did you miss me?" She asked.
"Rachelle, I..." She interrupted with a giggle and started to walk into the lake.
I followed her into the comforting warm water where the fish were asleep and no one else was there to interrupt the little world we entered as we always did before.
The darkness only lasted a few hours before I found myself back in the camp falling asleep to her breathing beside me...

Dreams 1/2

The further and harder we looked for sign of life.
THe more and more rewarded we were for looking.
We found what seemed to be a cave where a wealthy person of some sort used to live.
Seemed like a ntural limestone cave with some sort of intricate but huge solar panel system perched in the canopy of the rainforest.
We found empty bird cages, fish tanks, terrariums, ponds, beds, stoves, a hydroponics system a broken water wheel where a creek ran past the side of the cave.
It was as if this was someone's hide out when the war began.
Now abadoned, me and ritchie decided to head on to find our family since this place served us no use unless we were to stay here.

After 9 kilometers we stopped to boil some water we collected from a river before and to rehydrate and rest ourselves before heading out to the beach again.
As we sat down and took our packs off, ritchie realized we we had bene sitting on...
A trail.....
A trail left by at least three people.
Soon as it hit us, Ritchie and I grabbed our packs and hauled them on our shoulders and trecked towards the beach where we found not three, but ten of them.
My god were we relieved to find first their shoes and shirts on the outskirts of the sandy beach, but all of them having a dip in the warm water.
I could see Junior and Tracy diving off the flat sandstone shelves on the far side of the beach while Grandma, Aunt Vanessa and Aunt Lisa walked towards the kids collecting shells. Uncle jeffrey struggled to get a fire going by using what was left of his flint from his lighter. Victoria, Janice and Rachelle all sitting on the soft fine sand letting the luke warm salt water slowly cover their legs in sand after every wave that gently brushed over their legs.
Ritchie and I couldn't believe our eyes!
After the whol day of searching before, why didn't we see them?
We searched the entire island....except for the cave...
Before I could even open my mouth Ritchie had already dropped his pack with the pile of shoes and shirts and ran towards grandma and the women, I followed Ritchie and ran towards the women being greeted in hugs and shouts of joy and the kids saw us from the sandstone shelves and ran towards us too.

They were glad to see us, thats for sure.
But they weren't glad to see us in uniform.
They weren't glad to see us searching for them...

Dreams

As Ritchie and I reached the LZ and prepared to make the drop.
I ask him whether they were really there.
On a lifeless island merely a dot in the equatorial archipelago covered in thick dense rainforest.
I heard no reply as we both jumps off the helicopter as it made the touch landing.
We spent tnwety seconds securing the immediate perimeter before heading north in search of our "targets".
Our family was supposedly located here via satellite.
It seemed that the whole of south-east asian banded together to try and take down the western world.
Establish the dominance vietnam once failed to acheive.
Ritchie and I had immediately requested permission to recon our family and bring them to Australia after we heard that they were hiding out in a small uninhabited island off the coast of Indonesia.
Here i was, standing next to my brother in SAS uniform serving for the australian defence force?
I guess anything goes in dreams...

The tiny island off Sumatra was no bigger than Manningham itself covered in lush green rainforest.
The rain, sunshine, humidity and smell of the air was an instant reminder of how much I missed Malaysia.
immediately after the fimiliar smell of the tropical climate hit me, i realized this dream was just another brain game.
But hey, it's a dream nevertheless. Might as well go along with it.

Ritchie and I searched the whole of the island untill the sun came down and forced us to make camp on the beach.
With tents up, a fire going and our ration packs sizzling on our trangias.
I couldn't help but break the silence and ask Ritchie whether he thought they really were here after all.
Ritchie said nothing untill we entered our tents and tried to get some sleep.
While the embers of the campfire were still crackling, ritchie let out a sigh and said "They're here, we'll find em before tomorrow is gone."

Everytime I opened my eyes through the restless night's sleep.
It seemed more and more realistic that our family really was lost in my dream.
Lost in a world where my brain has all control, yet posseses no intent on controling what happens.
Morning came and we set back to searching the inner rainforest in search for the TAN family. Mom's side of the family.

Just Imagine

My dream yesterday night only lasted ten minutes.
It has got to be the best ten minutes I've had for a long long time.
Course when I woke up I was severely dissapointed with my hopes up wayy through the roof.

Ritchie and I were assigned on a recon mission to rescue the whole family whow ere stuck on a remote island that was supposedly (hostile territory).
For some readon my brain already had assumed that the whole world was in turmoil and some country was on a rampage to take over the world.
But this tiny island no bigger than the size of a few suburbs put together was some place no one would even consider taking time and money to take over since no one lived there!
Now imagine dropping from an Australian Seahawk fourty feet above the shore to find nothing but empty glistening beaches and dense forest bordering the beaches.
Silence came about as the helicopter cut it's way through the wind back to base.
Now, since it was flagged as hostile territory. Me and ritchie were definitely SAS.
Which was weird seeming as we looked more like movie actors in camo paint and army gear (the ones that require stunt doubles)
Yes, big guns. Yes cool gadgets.
Now, we searched the whole island to find not one living soul.
Being little sissies, me and ritchie were absolutely crushed.
Now from crossing the seas in the seahawk till now, it was a "silent movie."
I guess my brain just made sense of it all.

The whole interesting bits were seriously as long as movies would last for.
At least an hour...all compacted into ten minutes....ahhh how amazing the human brain is. This dream is going to be at least three parts long =S
I'm writing this in little parts because I'll get bored and if I don't then i'll just forget sooner or later. Right now it's as vivid as a horse kicking you in the balls.

Anyway, it starts off with me and Ritchie searching the whole island to find no one person in sight.
Through dense rainforest, beaches, open grasslands.
There was nothing. And as the equatorial sun came down on us, so did the rain. Seeming as it was a rainforest, we found a limestone cave big enough to fit the 307 bus to Mitcham or the city (Queen Street). Anyway thats beside the point.
We tried to radio in HQ but no one answered, and for SOME OBSCURE REASON, we decided that the world was taken over by whatever country with the huge balls to do it. I'm thinking ethiopia.
because we decided the world was gone, we chucked away our radios!
How convenient!
Because this story is just revolved around our assumption that the world is in flames!
Ritchie and I started to plan different strategies to find out whether our family had crossed over to a different island since it was only a kilometer or two swim away from different islands in the archipelago.
The closest island was only a hundred meters away, but it was only sand and two palm trees.
Anyway, we had our ration dinners and went to sleep.




STOPS HERE! I'm gnna put this into proper writing I just need something to remind me in the following days.

I just broke the space time continuum in the shower.

As the wet season sets in the drizzles turn into downpours.
The humidity and warmth still holding up to make a perfect day to go swimming.
The pool water warmed by the afternoon sun.
The rain creating thousands of tiny ripples as the quietness under the water brings nothing but silence and retreat.
Sitting on the bottom of the pool, eyes closed listening to the steady flow of the water into the side gutters.
Theres nothing but serenity as thoughts slowly drift into my head.
Of life, of crazy happy memories made in this sunny warm country.

Breaths of air are a must if I were to survive my vacation.
Getting out of the pool to find myself enclosed in warmer blanket of air.
heading up stairs after being greeted by a couple of guards making their routine rounds around the different buildings.
Heading upstairs onto the balcony to find myself yet again smoking with a cold beer in my hand and nothing but bliss in my heart and soul.

And all through that time, thinking about who to share this with.

Indestructeable Memories

My first tattoo is yet to be completed.
yet I'm planning for my second one in order to get it done along with the completion of my first one since it's compulsory for me to get them done in Malaysia.

This next tattoo of mine will signify my pride and love for my families.
Both maternal and paternal sides.
It will show my love for icthyology and my race as well as my ability to look past the pain to see the beauty of life as well as the balance between the feminine and masculine facets of life.

The different photos above will be a significant contribution to what my tattoo will look like. As for where it will be placed, it will be somewhere on my upper back, shoulder or in the middle. Yet to be decided =]

End

Up for Lease

Self evaluation.

I'm putting myself up for re-evaluation.
This time, I'm not actually sure what's happening to me.
These past few months have just been an express rocket downhill.
Last month has been the only month of the year where I've actually been at school every day.
Whether or not I'll be passing year eleven is a real wonder.
After an over view and quick evaluation of my current situation.
I've come to a conclusion that I'm fucked.
I have been since the start of the year, but it's been hard to really distinguish what I've been looking at through the microscope.
My academic and professional life is in ruins.
As a result my social life has slowed down, however this "slowing down" of my social life has lead me to some pretty interesting experiences.
On a positive note, I now have new friends and to add on to the positives list I now have a partner.
However, what really troubles me is my academic and professional side of life and my stance in all of it.
I've been recently offered an option of leaving highschool for a more hands on education at the William Angliss Institute.
Which is where I'll end up whether or not I complete highschool.
However, what troubles me is whether or not I should keep fighting the battle to finish highschool...Exams...class...homework...assignments.
It's true, an Enter would really help later on in my life.
But am I willing to withstand another year of pain fighting a battle I know is going to result in low scores anyway?
it's a question I have to answer myself, I'm fully aware of that.
Naturally, I'm afraid of the consequences that will follow if my decision was to fall towards leaving school early.

Do I have the sweet release from the pressures of highschool and prepare for the struggle later on?
Or do I withstand the torture just to end up where I will be anyways.
It sounds oh so sweet to leave school, but the consequences which follow sound oh so bitter sweet. Friends, graduating, formals, exam pressure and parties.
Are they not a quintissential part of one's childhood?
Hospitality will definitely be my profession for the next few years.
Statistics show that a person will change their "career paths" at least six times in their life time.
Without an Enter, I will not find it easy to change my career path.
Do I really want that?
Do I want to risk everything in my future for an easy way out of highschool?

This troubles me.
It plays with my sense of stability and control.
I crave the release, yet I cringe at the imagination of my future.
I've devised one plan to aid in my decision, yet I need more than just one to seal the envelope.
By the end of this year, if my exam scores turn up short, it will be the end of my highschool life and the start of my fast-track to being a chef.
This year definitely is a roller coaster ride I never agreed on.
Rules and guidelines do not exist anymore do they.
I make my own decisions and face my own consequences.
This is life, and this life is mine to lead.
God save me, lead me and guide me.
Let no stray thoughts hinder my search for life.

End.