Lingerie

The more complicated we make our lives,
the less of it we actually appreciate.
Dinners,
parties,
sleepovers,
work,
movies.
I realized the more you put into your organizer.
The less time you have to actually live your life.
To be able to stop and breath.
In the lives the majority of us live.
We have work to be completed.
Bills to pay off.
Mortgages to worry about,
and a family to care for.
Call me a brute.
Call me incensitive.
But this time around,
I see all those different things as just another weight on my life.
Blurring my vision and preventing me from living life.

What I don't see.
Is that no matter what I'm doing.
Whether it be working my ass off from eight to eight.
Or picking up my future kids from childcare.
Or having to walk the dog.
It's life.
I already am living life.
What makes me feel as if I haven't had the opportunity to stop and take a moment in for myself is because I haven't actually tried.
So here I am,
letting everyone know that this time, before the year ends.
I'm going to stop, and take a breath.
Look at the scenery and tie up my shoelaces again before I take another step into a new year.

Closing my eyes.

I really have let go these few weeks.
Working eight days weeks, then requesting one day off to spend over 150 dollars on a night of alcohol, drugs and sex.
Thats happened three times now.
I feel triumphant, but at the same time a coward.
I'm changing.
My friends, they seem ignorant, childish and stupid.
My job, seems almost as important as wiping your ass.
William Angliss is the only thing that keeps me alive and breathing.
And finding a girl is still a distant memory.

I know that I'm changing.
I know that my outlook on life and the world is changing.
I know that my feelings towards people is changing too.
Maybe it comes with leaving high school?
Or maybe it comes with realizing just how different your are to your friends after all.
What am I?
Who do I fit in with?
What goes through my head?
What makes me laugh, cry and smile?
What ever happened to my old self?
What will I become?
I must say that now, I really understand how people can be psychologically addicted to drugs.

Dangerous they are.
Dangerously delicious.