Memories 2

1-A Taman Scotland...
I remember just breaking up with Kana and paying my way through to another trip back to Malaysia.
Just so I could take some of the nightmares away.
That it did.
Soon as I got off the taxi to stand in font of the steel automated door.
Instant feeling of being home just wraps around your whole body.
Like a warm blanket on a long cold day.
I remember having a swarm of people hugging me and asking millions of questions.
I felt almost like an alien.
Walking into the same old house, but being a completely different person.
Seven years older, seven years different...

The same guest room I've always stayed in on every visit.
Still there, untouched.
The sheets, exactly the same from seven years ago.
Sure there was a tiny bit of dust, but Min kept it exactly the same way.
I was surprised none of the little ones even went in there...
My cds still on the floor,
my novels still on the small bookshelf behind the bed.
Even the pictures of everyone were still wedged into the edges of the mirror.
How I've missed this place so much...

It all happened as if it were only a dream.
I had to hear something loud, wake myself up from this beautiful place.
I wanted it all to last forever.
The sound of bustling cars outside the fortified walls of the huge house.
The sound of the dogs barking at passers by.
The sound of the kids running around downstairs, and Victoria's radio playing new age chinese songs by who knows what their name is.
I remember standing there with my bags still on my shoulders and my cap still in my hands.
Just soaking it all in.
Tracy coming up behind me and giving me a warm hug.
I'll never forget what she said to me.
She said "It's been so long since this room has even been touched. Min didn't want to touch anything inside it...I used to stand just outside the door remembering how we used to make tents out of the blankets and read books with you and Victoria under the sheets. We've missed you, I'm so glad you're back..."
She made my heart break just in those few seconds.
As Tracy sat on the bed picking up comics I left lying around the bed.
I put my bags down and went around running my fingers along everything that used to be my way of life.
I guess I was trying to re-connect with the past.
I can't say I like change that much.
I love the way things were, and I wished things never changed.

That night, I opened the door to the balcony and realized what I've been missing so much.
The same balcony I used to always try and climb down from.
The balcony I completely took for granted.
The couches were still there, even my old story books were there. Jack and the Beanstalk...
It's so crazy how in seven years you completely forget everything, and just as you see everything from the years before, you start to realize just how much you've longed for it all to come back again.
I sat on the wooden rocking chair grandpa bought me when I was four, and I couldn't really say it was the right size anymore, but god the memories it brought back of grandpa were so happy.
The days before he left us all...
Swimming, playing with the dogs...long cars rides...

Now that they've moved to a condominium, no matter how conveinient it is.
I still long for that warm blanket of old memories to come back.
I remember re-exploring every single crack of the house, room by room.
Trying to savour the memories it brought back in each room.
The kitchen, with it's large glass front cupboards...
Grandma's room, with its smell of perfume and hair spray.
Victoria and Junior's room, pink curtains and lots of toys.
Tracy's room, cd's and dresses everywhere...
The computer room, with Uncle Jeffrey sitting on the same chair smoking those same cigarettes.
The piano room, with it's fridges and broken organ...guitars and a heap of old school books.
Seems like none of the kids wanted the past to leave...
The tiny room beside the kitchen where Uncle Jason used to keep his fish...maybe that's where I got my hobby from...
The bathroom, it's rough ceramic bathtub where I used to have bubble baths with Tracy and Victoria.
All these rooms inside this gigantic house pouring soul back into my body.
Giving me a reason to live for.

I'm so glad I'm going to see all my cousins again this year.
Driving past that old house isn't going to be pleasant.
But I guess life takes you places sometimes where you don't want to go.

I'll buy that house back...
I'll restore it back to exactly how it used to be...
I already know that everyone wants to live there again.
The loves,the losses,the memories....