Pessimism

Never in my life have I been thrust into a group of people.
Let alone a group of Christians.
But I totally underestimated everyone, I admit that.
These people that I've met since only a couple of months ago are amazing.
From people I meet for the first time to people Ive seen on several occasions.
It's amazing how nice these people are, how close they are to each other.
Kinda reminds me of how my mom used to be.

I can't say that I'm the most interesting of people.
I'm someone who has derailed and crashed through a life that used to be all green and beautiful.
Here I am, turning seventeen.
Smoking, drinking, doing nothing with my life.
TO be able to see myself from another pair of eyes would be a miracle.
Something of my dreams.
I want to be able to see what kind of effect I have on people.
I want to be a part of this world.

Just last year I thought I became someone I've always wanted to be.
Lots of friends, parties and the like..
But now that I take a good look at myself.
I see that there's something missing.
Something that's stopping myself from having the feeling of being satisfied with life at the end of the day.
I have a stable job with awesome people, I've met new people from a totally different side of life.
And yet there's this feeling of not being accomplished.
Not having anything to be proud of.
I'm a skinny average height asian guy that has a love for fish.
That's it?
That's all I am?
Why can't I be one of those people who inspire me every time I see them.
One of those people who leave you envious right after you leave.
Now I'm just being a narcissist.