To float away

Sitting out here seems almost as if I can almost reach it.
The one place all my dreams keep reminding me about.
I can't figure out why it's so important to me.
Everytime I think I have, it seems that the last reason was nothing but an empty filling just to keep my mind off it for a few days.
No one understands why, like hell they would.
I don't even know why!

I don't know why that hot, humid place would leave me feeling so broken hearted.
The smell of car fumes and sewerage.
The constant buzz of traffic all day and night.
The warm breeze that brings no retreat from the constant heat.
The loud hustle and bustle of my family going about their daily routine.
School kids shouting and conversing as they walk home from the school next door.
It all seems like a dead end while I'm trying to think of why I would love such a god-forsaken place.

I guess that's what brings my heart to it's knees everything I think about it.
It's some-place I've found where I'm never alone.
Yet I have the freedom to find my own place in life and just ponder about other aspects of my life.
Oh how I miss that worn down beach chair and that flat green roof-top.
How I miss the hustle and bustle of my family.
The dogs and the nanny.
The cheap alcohol...ha

But everytime I have a simple moment to myself, just to think about the dreams I have.
Just to take another drag of a cigarette and put my thoughts infront of me like a big blackboard.
I seem to find another peice to the puzzle.
Another fitting word to describe just why I'm tied to that place.
I guess I'm writing it down here so I don't forget that simple peice.
To remind me of why I love it so much, a small peice to savour, to hold.

My dreams take me to that place.
Like a simple walk through a totally different life.
As if I were a completely different person, without sorrow or fear.
Anger, loves, regrets...
Guess it's easier to describe it as a lover.
One that got away, the one that made your life complete just to shatter it to peices leaving you on the floor wondering whether you still want those broken peices back.
I cherish these dreams of mine, however at the same time I hate them.
Leaving me, a pawn on the chessboard having no other purpose but one.
To live untill I've found the one true purpose.
Whatever it may be...

Fuck the qoutes and sayings.
Damn the people who continue to make me look forward.
Can't I just sit and watch everyone else go about?
Couldn't you just let me have what I wanted without having to take it all back?
It feels so distant, unreacheable, impossible.
I loathe the feeling it puts on me, to feel as if that place is so much more better than what I have here.
I have everything I need, everything I want.
Right here, where I can easily access them.
Then you come and make me feel as if theres nothing to live for.
As if you are the only one that makes me life complete.
Fuck you.
You're nothing but a goddamn fucking place!
And yet you give me the feeling of complete serenity whenever I hold a piece of you in my hands as I step foot.

I guess it's just a matter of having to wait.
Like a lonely school child waiting for something to happen.
Here I am waiting for another chance to see you.
Writing about the dreams that glide away silently every night.
My dreams, my wishes.
They make me who I am, you make me who I am.

Waiting for the current to slowly rise, to let me float away once more...